Movie Review: The Heat (Unrated- 2013)



Kicking it old school, eh! The title sequence said ’70s, Starsky and Hutch‘s style, but the characters were out of place and out of focus. Was this about gender inequality vs. Bring-It-On stereotypes? Was this about pi#*ing competitions among all protection agencies? Was this about intelligent bureau profiling vs. smart-ass field policing? Or was this about the good old rival cops turn pals, heart-warming piece of humanity? It took hour and half for FBI S.A. Ashburn(Sandra Bullock) to go rogue and shed her strait-laced pantsuit, and declared that she and Mullins(Melissa McCarthy) were the Heat! Hour and half, seriously! I saw the trailer, no need to warm me up; I knew Mullins and Ashburn’s M.Os from the poster …Dah!

Career-minded FBI agent Ashburn is trying to get a promotion, but she is too aloof to be a team player, which has become a prerequisite to be a leader in the agency (tongue in cheek funny?! or perhaps this is how it is now, like how Criminal Minds always work as a team). To get the promo, she is assigned to work with the field detective in Boston, Mullins, to investigate a drug trafficking ring.

So hour and half will be spent watching Mullins does her field work: dirty, in your face, foul-mouthed, the street-level stuff. Ashburn is stereotypically calm, methodic, polite but slice and dice through her eyes, cerebral Hannibal stuff. COMPROMISE will get the work done. A-Cliché-AP, they start to see in each other’s approach, and admire each other’s ability… blah, blah, blah. I could not count how many times Bullock’s boobs were touched, squeezed, cupped by McCarthy’s hands: LOL, haha, LOL!

Oh yes, we had time for a montage in between to show they finally bonded as partners. Why not throw in some maple syrup sappiness here and there too! Then let’s wrap it up with “We are family”.

Actually, Bullock and McCarthy were awkward together! They were being stereotyped of their stereotypical roles; Bullock back to the nerd in The Net (1995), and McCarthy still at her same physical gags. Oh, those albino’s jokes (really, we need to go there?!)

SKIP…as they say, “Get out of the kitchen if you can’t stand the Heat!”. Well said except here is the couch.


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