Skip these movies: uninspiring, formulaic, just boring!

tbrThe Bling Ring (2013): As shallow as those kids depicted. I wish it were made in a more documentary style; however, it was dressed in bling bling Hollywood style. Sure Paris Hilton’s house was broken into multiple times, but was it really necessary to see what she owned over and over? to me, that’s nothing but marketing exploitation in the name of exposing this stratum of social ill: rich robbing the richer! Emma Watson played a celeb’s climber Nicki, with The Secret disciple mom, Leslie Mann. I was not sure if it was meant to be hypocritical and humourous for what these people believe. Ironically, there were no fathers presented in the entire film. Perhaps, another subtle real fact for these families. Israel Broussard‘s Marc was gay and from an absent parents family: surprise!  SKIP…no a moral tale for sure. 

4747 Ronin(2013): Flat as pancakes. The story is about two rival districts run by the Shogun Tsunayoshi(Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), one district is evil and ruled by a witch, Rinko Kikuchi, who possesses and controls, Lord Kira(Tadanobu Asano).  The other was run by an honourable samurai, Lord Asano(Min Tanaka), with his own troop of samurai fighters. Lord Asano has a daughter, Mika(Ko Shibasaki) who is in love with a orphaned half-breed, Kai(Keanu Reeves). One night, the witch makes Lord Asano attempts to assassinate Lord Kira. Lord Asano is stopped and condemned an honourable death by his own chief samurai, Ôishi(Hiroyuki Sanada). When samurai no longer has a serving lord, they become a ronin. So these 47 ronin is now on a mission to rescue Mika, forced to marry Lord Kira, and to reclaim the district, in honour of the late Lord, and his name.  The problems were not enough fight scenes, not enough CGI, nor any breath-taking scenery; hence, it was flat. And Reeves was not known to lighten things up either! Some Japanese actors although very famous and successful in Japan and Asia, they just couldn’t sell their brands even they spoke relatively good English. Apparently, the film was first made in Japanese so that the actors understood their lines,  and then they were to learn the same lines in English. SKIP…unless you are dying to know the true face of the witch.

zodiacZodiac(2007): Cold case! The story is really a biopic of  an obssesive cartoonist, Robert Graysmith(Jake Gyllenhaal), and  the movie is based on his book. Mark Ruffalo plays Inspector David Toschi, and Robert Downey Jr.(Paul Avery) is famous columnist for the SF Chronicle.

The film was very long, at 2 hours 37 mins. There were some suspects, but no one was arrested.  Nothing was really gripping. It made you aware of the red tape because murders happened in different jurisdictions, so each police department was protective of their evidence and some didn’t want to share with other departments. SKIP… slow simmer to nothingness.

 

colonyThe Colony(2013): The Day After Tomorrow , feral men, cannibalism, with a gleam of hope. So colony 7 gets a distress signal from colony 5. Briggs(Laurence Fishburne), the leader of 7 forms a team of 3 heading to colony 7. Mason(Bill Paxton), ex-army, is losing patience with the sick: it’s better to have one less mouth to feed… Anyway, the team gets to colony 5 after a long walk in the snow, blood everywhere, i.e.,(spoiler) sh** will happen. Three becomes two, Sam(Kevin Zegers) and Briggs survive, run for their dear lives. Those feral men catch up, two becomes one. The one goes and warns residents of colony 7 those feral men are coming! Stay fight or run leave?  Twenty becomes six in search of blue sky. SKIP… A+B+C=End.

 

vegasLast Vegas(2013): the new Vegas Rat Pack that don’t entertain. Four famous actors with their own share of glory in the past, united in a film that told us nothing other than they could still make movies. Good or bad was not the question to ask. Billy(Michael Douglas), Paddy(Robert De Niro), Archie(Morgan Freeman), Sam(Kevin Kline) are friends for life. Billy is the rich playboy, who is planning a wedding to a woman half his age. He invites his old senile friends to a Bachelor party in Vegas. Paddy is the widower who is still grieving his wife’s passing. His wife was torn between two lovers when she was young: Paddy and Billy. In Vegas, they meet a songstress, Diana(Mary Steenburgen). History repeats itself, Paddy and Billy is again fighting over the same woman. Yes, love at first sight  could happen even if you are close to 70, even better when being engaged. Don’t worry, women are always abundance, and all you need is Viagra. SKIP…senior homes’ Friday night favourite.

cpCaptain Philips(2013): America big muscle won again! I was researching the real story while watching the film. I found out that the real Captain Philips might not be the hero being depicted in the film. There were many discrepancies between the real event and the Hollywood version. Apparently, Oscar-nominated Somali-American, Barkhad Abdi, who played Muse only made $65K fix fees. Allegedly, he had to borrow money from his community for the clothes he wore to the red carpet. While Tom Hanks made, I bet, at least $1o mil plus royalty. And the real Captain Philips for sure had made millions for his book deal and movie rights. I understand pirates are bad people ….SKIP …the only thing I learned was how the pirates got on board, and lifeboat that ran on fuel. 

…More Watch it or Skip it

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